I was once so hopeless but I found the right meds and it was like a miracle for me. I disagree that you wouldn't be yourself on meds..maybe some would be that way, but don't take those. keep changing till you find the ones that work for you. it might be a pain in the *** and the drs don't like it but it is really life changing when you find the right meds. ive been through about every med there is but I didn't give up and I totally feel normal on them. better yet, the darkness went away, the hopelessness is gone. and I only took antidepressants for a couple years and I was able to get off them and the depression never came back. you need to get brave enough to ask for your medical card. tell her you want to go for a sinus infection or something. take care.