cute,
Thanks for your replies and questions.

Here is what I am thinking.

1. I am already working on my stuff. I have a psychiatrist, I am taking meds, I also see a counselor(in the same practice). I stopped drinking alcohol myself 49 days ago. I am a biker and weight lifter and my diet is pretty solid(in other words I am also taking care of my body) and have lost 4" on my waste and 13 pounds in the last 1.5 months.

2. I need input/ideas/strategies on how to fall back in love with my wife and re-kindle or start over or whatever you want to call it...in our relationship.

The struggle is that I am a guy. Nothing against women but....I am on a few different forums getting input and its amazing how the men respond in a 100% opposite way from the women. Of course context is everything and the website I am on is a men's forum and geared to fitness and health. So even there women who are working out are telling me to give my wife an ultimatum..."get in shape or I am leaving".

In other venues I am getting this response from women " make your wife happy and divorce. She deserves better than you"

hah.......so there you go.

So I am taking neither of their advise and my goal is.......

1. What do I do to become friends with my wife and somehow not focus on her body.

2. She wants me to hold her and touch her and cuddle but her body fat and large stomach are a huge turnoff for me. At this point her belly is as big as my 77 year old mother's. And my mother had breast cancer, a mastectomy and hasn't exercised in years. Its just gross and freaks me out. My wife looks like an old lady and it is like I am married to my mother!!!

3. I am angry, frustrated, stressed and fatigued. So its hard to have extended periods of peaceful time with my wife as friends. She is angry, guarded, in denial, being defensive, and not coping well either.

4. Last night she drank OVER 1/2 a bottle of really nice white wine.

I had a conversation with her about our marriage. I said I only want her, I am struggling with our sexless marriage. I am working on getting my **** together. Not have sex is NOT an option for me (in the long run). I told her my concerns for her health both mentally and physically. I suggested she try counseling to work through some of her ACOC issues.

When I brought that up she got really, really defensive and said she has NO ACOC issues and that she is being healthy and not codependent and its all my fault in my head.

So we are in a hard place.

She is second guessing anything I say. If I said she looks nice today she would just be on me and not believe me.

I am rambling.

Maybe I could have made this shorter. and asked.

What does a women want from a man to show her he loves her?