Posting on AsiaBlue's hug thread has reminded me that I'm totally starting to want physical affection with my T This is a radically new thing. If I'm having a particularly long and trying dark night of the soul and my defences are down, the image of her there with me sidles into my head. I think about what it would be like to fall asleep cuddling her. Which makes me feel slightly sick with guilt and shame as soon as I feel a bit stronger/ numbed out, and fans the flames of loneliness even more. Then I put it very quickly out of my head.

Can't believe I'm even admitting that. Why can't I be normal and love normal ****ing people who aren't priests/ therapists/ authority figures/ emotionally unavailable manchildren/ insert various inappropriate person here.