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Leah123 · Apr 22, 2014, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I am going to be open about the fact that I really just need to whine and really don't need anyone to yell at me or tell me I'm unreasonable or whatever. I know and freely acknowledge that I am being whiny and unreasonable and whatever. Just need a place to vent. This is a giant long book of a post anyway.

I had to discuss finances with my T today. I mentioned having to go to every other week due to finances and he said that was fine. So that hurt my feelings that he was so ready to go to every other week and wasn't really affected by it. Which is stupid, I know. We had a long discussion about my feelings around just being part of his job and how I KNOW the boundaries and I KNOW it isn't personal that he holds the boundaries, but it is still painful. He talked a lot about how I personalize the choices other people make to mean that I am inadequate, not good enough, etc.

We had previously discussed that he doesn't take any insurance except one company, which I ASSUMED was not the company through which I have coverage because it's kind of a weird one that is totally crap anyway. Then, as we talked, it turned out my insurance company is the only one he actually takes still. He is one their list from some previous employer. His contract rate with them is almost half what I pay. We start that next time. I said, "wow, that sucks for you," and he said, "yeah, it does."

So two things, one, he thinks it sucks to make that little, and two, he will take a significantly lower rate from people on this insurance, but wasn't going to offer me the lower amount as a rate. So. However, I am not supposed to take it personally that I am a client and only see him for so long as I can afford it. As he said, it isn't personal just against me or something -- it's all his clients, and I am just not an exception. I knew that. I know that. I should just hold it more firmly in mind so I don't get surprised by the pain this way.

I understand it is not personal from his end, but it sure feels that way from mine. Perhaps not so personal to him because he is not really considering me as a person in making his choices. He had already made them before I met him, but certainly they affect me and apply to me regardless of how I feel or think about them.

As I said, just whining. I am dealing with 'real' issues in addition to this and cannot seem to stop crying today so please wait until tomorrow at least to jump on me, please.

OMG, I want to smack your therapist. He sounds like he's being an oaf about this issue. Of course he should offer you the insurance rate, of course he should worry about how you'll do in between sessions. AWE! I am sorry.

The only thing I'm going to argue about with you is saying you're just whining and this isn't a real issue. It is a real issue, I don't think you're taking it 'too' personally, and I'm glad you came to vent.