Like everyone here, I struggle with feelings if deep self loathing and very low self esteem. But I also have a tendency to obsess over bad things, like when I lost my job or my several horrible break ups. Those of you who have read my posts know that right now it's a break up. I wait until I see something new on some social media or texting app, and every time I see the tiniest update I feel like ****. Last time I did this I got my brother to block certain things on my computer, but now he's not around. Also, with my phone and iPad that tactic doesn't work. So I don't know how to stop and I HATE it. I sometimes think that I should be posting in the relationships forum, but I really think that this more a problem with my disease than the actual relationship, which sucked. I am very aware that it sucked and have no good memories, but I hate myself and hate him and have a lot of anger and pride and loathing coursing through me like poison. I write about it here because it's about me hating myself and hurting myself and I can't stop it.

Edit: sorry for being annoying. I go on and on and I know it. I'm sorry.