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I think about what it would be like to fall asleep cuddling her. Which makes me feel slightly sick with guilt and shame as soon as I feel a bit stronger/ numbed out, and fans the flames of loneliness even more. Then I put it very quickly out of my head.
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I used to have so much shame and anxiety about wanting physical contact from my T, too. It has taken her a long time to persuade me it's just human and normal to want to be comforted like that.
I think you are forming an attachment, and if your T is competent that can be a very healing thing. But it can also be painful.