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Originally Posted by Rose76
Being independent of your parents is a normal, healthy goal for a person your age. It has two levels. One level is the actual physical independence of living separately. The other level is the psychological independence. That's when you get to where you do not need for your mom to agree with what you are planning in order for you to feel you have a right to your own plans.
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I didn't know about these two levels. I think I would benefit a lot from learning how to become psychologically independent because you hit the nail on the head about me not needing my mom to agree with my plans. I know I have a right to my own plans and decisions, but what I don't like is when I'm told they're the "wrong" decisions. How is it wrong to leave the nest once I complete my college and achieve a career and a sound salary?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
When you are in the shower, can you not lock your phone, so your mom can't get into it? Can you not lock the bathroom door?
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Yes, I lock both. But my mom made me give her the lock pattern when I first got my phone because I shouldn't have anything to hide, and I don't. Doesn't mean I appreciate snooping.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Meanwhile, you come up with your own vision for your future and lay the groundwork to get there, and don't go advertising how your vision of your future differs from hers. That's just looking for conflict.
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I agree. I won't go advertising. I wish to stay conflict-free as long as possible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It's great that you are away at school. That's a terrific chance to have some freedom. Besides the physical independence that comes with having your own income and your own place to live, you need psychological independence. You have to recognize that you do not need your parents approval for everything. Yes, you need to abide the rules they set as a member of their household. But you are telling us that your mother made you stop talking to a friend? How is that possible when you are 18 years old?
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I don't understand what you mean by "away at school". I'm not away at school. I commute. By bus, too. And yes I'm 18. Am I supposed to a stereotypical rebel, sneak out the window, and meet up with my friends at a rave? I don't have a car. I rarely visit my friends; they have to come to my house because my mom doesn't know who their families are or how safe their homes are. That's how old-school Hispanic mothers roll. At first she was iffy about my friend because she suffers depression. Now she resents her for "being a bad influence" and doesn't want her in her house. I chat with her every now and then, but it's not the same as hanging out in person. And this bothers me because I have very few friends and it's already hard enough to communicate with them since my mother doesn't approve of them because they're black or they "look sneaky" (what does that even mean?) or they aren't your typical straight-A white/Asian/whatever girl who can speak three languages fluently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
You are wanting for you and your mom to be on the same page about too many things. That is psychological dependence. You are hoping for therapy to put the two of you more in harmony. That's a pipe dream. You think you need therapy because your aunt recommend it. Let your aunt and your mom have their ideas, and you come up with your own. Work toward making them reality. You'll get there. Meantime, avoid useless conflict.
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I interpret this as just focusing on my own bit-ness, let the haters hate, and work towards making it rain.
Ok, no, in all seriousness my main objective is to live with as little drama as possible. I thank you for your insightful input and will look more into psychological independence. Thank you.