I've had a %#@&#! week. Most of the problems my own making. Went to T today and told her I really felt like "using". Just want to be in that warm, safe place. Where I don't need anyone.

I can tell when T is trying to get me to "see" because she kinds of twists about and crosses and uncrosses her legs. I wonder if she is aware of her body language? LOL maybe I should charge her for my session she has with me in my head LOL! sorry shouldnt laugh but hey!

ANyways I could see T twisting and I saw in a flash that unless i am willing to help myself also, she is "powerless". It was a bit scary seeing that. Or maybe it is that I am allowing myself to see that now?

I told her toward the end of session that I will not use. It is a cowards way out and a coward I am not.

With that we hugged and kissed. NAH not really LOL!! with that we ended the session.