thanks sky for the reply i resonate so many of the things you said,i used to isolate myself which went on for around 9 years,i do it less now but i still have a tendency to do it ,at times i thought i had a calling to be a hermit! i too find modern life so alien i feel that i was born at the wrong time i long for a simpler life ,free from the noise and pollution,my t told me this is not unusual and has heard it off many folk.when my pain lessens i think of going back into the world ,and start to consider working,what happens then is i start to dissociate ,my pains worsen,i dislike being ill but my efforts to live in the world seem fruitless, frustration takes over and usually leads to a deepening on my depression -i wish i had an answer ,as i've been torturing myself for the past 20 years it grinds me down so much at times it gives way to suicidal thoughts thankfully i'm still here but it is a real struggle((( gentle hugs to you)))