Quote:
Originally Posted by Hbomb0903
I completely agree with this statement. As I found myself coming out of my last episode, I realized that unless I chase after MY OWN DREAMS and somehow find a way to do what I love I was going to remain unfulfilled and unhappy. So I'm really trying to not be afraid and go for it.
I hope that this funk your in breaks quickly. The advice to SLEEP any way you can is good. My sleep is so crucial to my moods. You are not flawed, that's the bad juju in your head talking, but you can get sort of addicted to negative thinking? I know that there is a part of me that identifies with my misery and with my alienation. It clings on despite that I don't want to agree with it!
Try to find something that makes you smile. And then do it more.  |
I agree with this too. I think part of my problem is bipolar/biochemical, but a big part of it is existential. I'm unhappy with a bunch of things in my life, and I have no control or ability to do anything to change it. So I'm frustrated and it makes me depressed.
A lot of it has to do with my work keeping me on a monitoring program for 40 months, which includes medication compliance, pdoc appointments, random drug screens/enforced sobriety, and which doesn't allow me to leave my city without written permission and for a maximum of 2 weeks, among other restrictions. I don't think I be happy until this is over, and I still have 13 months. I'd love to be traveling more, and to have choices over my treatment, etc. I've complained about this a lot on PC, so I'll try not to be too repetitive, because the details don't matter, but the loss of autonomy is destroying me. That's part of the reason I stopped the Saphris... I don't want to take it because I am being forced, and I want to be able to make decisions about what I put into my body. I think I will feel a lot better in general once this is over, so I just have to do my best to remain compliant so that they will eventually release me.
So sorry for complaining so much! I feels very self-indulgent and whiney, which are qualities I hate, but it's just how I feel right now. I'm very grateful for a lot of things in my life, and for the support from the people here at PC. I can definitely relate to wanting to hold on to alienation etc - it's hard to really imagine how else there is to relate to the world. I guess I just need more acceptance and gratitude.