Oh, MM, I don't even know where to begin. I am very worried for you. These sentences just by themselves…. ring hauntingly familiar BUT EXPONENTIALLY MORE potent than the factors that led into the worst episode I ever had -- I don't know if you remember, but I do -- because you were such a help to me through that time.

I'm not always the most accurate assessor of my own stability sometimes, so it's not for me to declare with certainty about anyone else's…… but….I have to admit that I've had a lot of trouble following your posts for quite awhile now. Which, I guess is to say that even if your mood's feeling stable to you, something's going on. There's instability/not managing well/whatever. Something. Paranoia, hallucination, the very somethings that APs are specifically for helping with. I'm very inclined to agree with BipolaRNurse, to please consider doing full-time AP.

Here's the thing. It is possible that someday a point may come where thinking in terms of PRN is reasonable. BUT NOW IS NOT THAT TIME. I don't mean to be harsh about it, but sweetie, you've got some serious stuff going on and are heading into a maelstrom.

You'll be needing all the armor you can get. The whole extended time frame of out-of-element stress, no pdoc, lack of the familiar and routine, trying to keep up "normal" for others….don't underestimate it. I did. And know how bad it got. Even going in pretty darn stable. That is why I am so scared for you. Please take care. You know that I only say these things out of care for your well-being and can only be but a token of reciprocity for the care you showed for me when I'd underestimated these very sorts of factors