Hi everyone!

Thanks for this amazing forum.

I am Bipolar Type 1. I am currently on 25mg Aropax, 250mg Lamictin, 600mg Seroquel, 80mg Ritalin, 0.75mg Rivotril.

My psychiatrist is one of the best doctors I have ever been to. He managed to stabilise me properly for the first time in 11 years. Things have been going well for the past year, even though I slipped into a rather strange depressive episode from December to February. My psychiatrist also managed to stabilise my severe anxiety with the Aropax and Rivotril combination.

Unfortunately it feels like everything is falling apart all of a sudden. I feel like death warmed up. On Saturday (19 April 2014), I had an abrupt emotional breakdown. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. This has not happened to me in months. I am stuck in a job which I absolutely hate. I was a permanent writer for an international entertainment website for two years, but I gave this up in order to receive more financial stability. My editors want me back, so I am currently deciding whether to resign or not. I am also enrolled to write my GED (I am from South Africa, but I don't have South African matric. A GED will offer me the opportunity to study abroad)

My current job as a media and marketing executive pays well, but writing is my first love, especially writing for the above mentioned website.

Writing has always saved me from myself. The problem is that my aunt works for the same company where I work as a media and marketing exec and I am unsure whether she will take the news of my departure lightly.

This situational stress however is not influencing my terrible state of mind.

I have to resign at the end of April in order to start writing on the 1st of June. I don't know if there is something wrong with my Aropax or my Seroquel?

It feels like a wound is opening up inside of me, spilling the darkness of dreams everywhere. I can't handle this intensity anymore...

Any thoughts?

Thanks!