I've had a lot of trouble following your posts for quite awhile now Guys please let me know when this happens. Its usually not a good sign, even if its in a pm.

even if your mood's feeling stable to you I've been hoping that my mood was off but my t has been very clear that my mood is stable and even clearer that it is not the medication but stress.

thinking in terms of PRN isn't reasonable. BUT NOW IS NOT THAT TIME. everyone except pdoc has wanted me on a full time AP for a good 2+ years. As my husband gains more faith in the mental health system we butt heads more about my symptoms. He's become less comforting more use your damn resources. To be fair I have far more resources then most and his team has changed 3x. What if my new team doesn't let me switch to PRN? What if they're not accepting of my complete fear of drugs, taking drugs, and wishy-washy ness of believing I have mental illness and in complete denial that its severity?

Except pdoc has wanted me on a full time AP because he waits until I get sick of something and request a med change. Probably because that way he knows I'll take it at least until I see him again. I think he'll be a bit more heavy handed about this because my husband actually called him.
And I yet again didn't do a walk in.

I don't mean to be harsh about it, I really don't feel you or anyone else is being harsh but honest. Like I said you guys know me so your opinions I hold heavier than anyone particular person IRL

The whole extended time frame of out-of-element stress, no pdoc, lack of the familiar and routine, trying to keep up "normal" for others….don't underestimate it. I'm not, I'm so scared.

You guys have worked so hard over the years( especially looking over at bpnurse ) at even excepting the fact I many need an AP full time ( I'm not ready to say or two) now its up to my Dr which one. Its better now with a pdoc that I trust then halfways around the country in a locked psych unit I guess.

I haven't slept well because I'm always terrified when I have pdoc, now more then most, even though each and every time he shows me how caring he is. I completely wish my t didn't say I have more coping skills then could be taught and the only other thing that could help is medication. When asking what I can do about my symptoms . I honestly think "medication" accidently flew out of her mouth before I could finish my sentence.