Ok, I think I might need some help here. Yesterday something happened that made me incredibly angry. And that is really unusual for me because I know that this is one of my issues, I can get annoyed and I can argue with someone if I have to, but I can't really get angry. At least not for very long and I try to work it out because I am a harmony seeker, I can't stand when I am mad at people or when people are mad at me.
I have worked a lot in my life to be as authentic as possible, find self esteem and I know how to stand up for myself - but the anger issue has always been my downfall.
But well, yesterday I became very angry. What happened was so degrading and judgmental and downright cruel and I couldn't and still can't get over it.
I talked to my T about this last night and she told me it's good to get angry at this and she said I can transform it into something positive. Yeah, I always talk about that too, transforming something bad into something positive but in this case I seem to be unable to do it.
What happened caused me to have almost an hour of therapy over the phone and it still didn't help.
Nothing she said, from trying to find a root for this anger to exploring that perhaps my anger is elevated because I don't have strong defenses at the moment and I might be angry about a lot of things but haven't been able to access it -nothing helped!
She said at the end that the most charismatic people sometimes fall victim to the worst judgment. What the hell does that mean??

I feel quite lost in this anger and most of all I feel really disillusioned. I always believe the best in people even though I know there is so much evil. But I think I may have low boundaries in that respect anyway so I am way too trusting sometimes. Most of the times however I feel I am being rewarded for this trust but there are times when it gets me into bad situations.

Do you have any ideas how I can deal with this anger? And it's weird I feel I have accomplished so much in my life, but I have never learnt how to deal with people who hurt me on a deep emotional level. And here my unhealthy part is very present: I have absolutely no idea how to walk away from someone I thought I loved and who has hurt me deeply. My usual response would be to take on the blame, even though it isn't mine to take, and try everything to fix the relationship. And I know that's wrong, but my abandonment issues are still strong. The few times I have walked away from people who hurt me, I suffered a lot at the loss even though at the end of the day there were a$$holes.
But now I feel only anger and rage and I want it to stop. I just don't know how! It's taking over my thoughts and my energy and I have never felt this kind of anger before so I don't know how to handle it.

I would be very grateful for any insight here! If you have ever been so angry that you thought it wouldn't stop, what did you do?