no, it doesn't sound like you are full of ****. it sounds like you are majorly overwhelmed by your emotions, feelings all sorts of pain you don't know what to do with so you are externalizing it by beating on yourself. talking about how you feel with others is not a bad thing. if you are afraid others will think you are seeking attention, then get professional help. that is what they are there for. to help you sort through these emotions and give you coping skills to deal with them so you no longer have to hurt yourself. you also have PC here where you can pour your heart out and receive feedback from other members. you are not alone. know that. take care.