Oh alex, I'm sorry. I know how disappointing it is about crap sessions. I can bet you are still frustrated and thinking it over much in your head.

Don't get too down about it.....because your t is awesome and some sessions are just "off". We all know how you feel about your t so I am confident you will trudge forward and, putting this is a diary will/can help with that.

Sweetie, you have been keeping a diary here a bit so you CAN do this....probably because you think you *have* to now it's not so appealing.

"................and a lot of time ruminating on the past"...................

I hear ya sister........you've guided me through the ruminations I do...so now let me share with you. I think you have control over the ruminations and perhaps they are a bit of a comfort as you "know" how to fall into a rumination so easily. Sort of like coping maybe.

It's scary, but you suggested this to me once.....try to challenge your ruminations, or compartmentalize like, I will only ruminate from 8am-2pm or whatever, then toss it aside and work on the mindfulness. This way, you are compromising but still having a bit of control and progressing on working to keeping the ruminations at bay or at least in their "place". You have such will and strength of mind, I know you will figure out a way to deal with this.

(((((((((((((((thinking of you alex)))))))))))))))))))