I am very cautious about saying something I am experiencing is due to bi-polar. However, I'm also the kind of person that has to know why I am doing things. I have to have answers. Bi-polar sucks in that sense because there are so many unanswered questions with it. Like, do I even have it? I won't go there though, we'll just assume the diagnosis is right. To note, I've also been diagnosed ADHD and I also wonder if that's correct, but I'm going to assume yes.

I keep hearing bi-polar people have short tempers and explode at people because of it. Is that really true? How much of that is really bi-polar and how much is just a personality thing that can be controlled by learning to control your temper?

The reason I ask is I'm completely guilty of it. Since I was a teenager (probably earlier - I'm 33 by the way) I would have horrible outbursts. I would slam the door so hard I'd break pictures on the wall, I spit in my mom's face, I tore up every single painting I had made when I was a painter, I screamed, etc. As I've gotten older I've learned I can't act like that but now I'm hitting a point I can't control it as well.

Especially with my children. I snap at them all the time and I'm getting to the point of starting to yell at them. I have no patience at all. When it comes to my husband I am unbelievably short tempered about anything even remotely critical. I become so defensive at anything he says that I snap or yell and immediately shut him down. It's hurting our relationship. It's getting worse and worse and all the calming techniques I'm getting from my counselor don't seem to be helping (and that's a lot of techniques).

My kids are my biggest trigger but I try my hardest not to let them see me get angry.

I also have insane mood swings throughout each day. Like this morning started off happy right away, then my kids were hard but I handled it really well so I was still happy when I got to work. Then I started looking at facebook and some things about bi-polar and bam, I'm in this awful mood where I'm barely keeping from crying and just want to go home. I haven't worked at all despite being here for almost 3 1/2 hours. I am hyper focused on a personal situation. I'm frustrated my husband is still hurt by some horrible things I did to him months ago and again 10 days ago. Yet if I take my Adderall, I will probably get extremely happy again.

How do I know what's bi-polar and what's not???????

For the record, I take 1,000mg Depakote, 10mg Abilify (this is a new dose as of 2 days ago), 5mg Celexa, and 15-20mg Adderall daily.

Is this what bi-polar is like? Isn't this something that I've had forever and just got a correct diagnosis on? So why haven't I felt like this my whole life? Why is it suddenly NOW that I'm feeling so out of control and crazy???