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I can't possibly think of what could have triggered this brick in the head. I figure it has to related to my family being here all weekend but I can't really put my finger on it. I am kind of pissed that no one really inquired how I was really doing and what I have been going through, but it is an uncomfortable subject for them I guess. I do feel isolated from them even when I was doing so good. No way can they ever understand what it is truly like and I don't expect them to. I think the main problem is they all have kids and families and are doing pretty good financially and have good jobs and all that. I can't help comparing myself to them and I just don't live up. I am living at my parents and don't have a job or any income and feel like a total loser. They all have good lives they are living and things to look forward to etc etc.
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I suspect this paragraph would be a root cause for the depression hitting you like a brick. Internally you have some conflicts your outlining here. I am in the same boat with you. I have no job and cannot seem to keep one for more than a few years. Each time I made fun of by my brothers and my mother goes on rants about "what is wrong with you!"
I am a wits end with ever deciding to tell them what is happening. I just figure that I will tell them and let them say what they will but I have come to expect no real support let alone a very basic understanding of what this means to me in my heart, soul and my overall quality of life.
I am jealous in a way that you have a home to go to and some support. All I can say is that focusing in on the pluses and not the minuses is most likely the best approach. Be aware of what you have and what has helped. Take notice of the emotions and perhaps make a journal that can highlight your feelings and thoughts. Also, venting on the forum is a real plus as you get feedback and the time to "let it out" in venue that can be more often than not, positive.
Good luck on coping skills and I sure hope you can get back to that warm fuzzy place in your heart.
