Thank you all. It always amazes me how supportive PC members can be. I know you are each struggling with your own problems too. Thanks for taking time to post here.

I have some pain issues that are greatly helped by taking Vicodin (hydrocodone.) It also helps me feel better mentally. Sometimes I take it just for mental pain. All kinds of psych meds that were tried on me did not help. I don't want anymore med experiments. After years of therapy, I have nothing left to say that I haven't already been all over, so I have no interest in that.

My diagnosis is recurrent major depression with anxiety. My pattern is to keep getting episodes of depression. They blow over, but keep coming back. It will be that way all of my life, as it has been. I think life is very sad and that the world is just full of awfulness.

7 years ago, I split up from living with my s/o because I was so unhappy with him criticizing me all the time. Even though we split, we still stayed friends. His health is poor now and I do a lot of caretaking for him. I got him some help through the VA, but he is not real cooperative about making the best use of that. It's getting to be too much for me to have him depend on me for everything. After being with him for 5 days, I came home to my place yesterday and got badly depressed. I've decided he has to make the best of the help the VA gives him, or go in a nursing home. I would still do things for him, but I won't do everything anymore.

When I'm not with him, I'm by myself. I've lost contact with life. I just think everyday that I hope I don't live too long and think of suicide. I keep pulling out of depression and then feeling pretty okay for a few days. But I keep dropping back into it, and the last two times have been severe.

Ten years ago I went into a partial hospitalization program that did me a lot of good. I came out of it much better and functioned well for a number of years. That program doesn't exist anymore.

Thank you for the kind words above.