I am so sorry you experienced that with your mother. There is a reason your mother
gets this way with the holidays, she is desperately trying to make up for something, and is not aware of it. Has your mother ever gotten help, had therapy? Today's therapy is not like it was when she was struggling earlier in her life.

I understand how it is hard for you living with or growing up with a mother that is so troubled. Try to remember there is a reason for her being like this, and she can't seem to control it, but she tries, and she can't seem to get it right hence her blow ups. She doesn't mean to hurt you seesaw. I am sorry this happens because it "is" hard on everyone who is around this kind of person including the person themselves.

((Hugs))
OE