Thank you everyone. I spoke to him tonight and tried to express how I felt that out of respect for the kids I really feel we need to take it slow and not just put it in their face.

Now this trip we were planning was in the fall but this summer my son sees his dad for 2 weeks so I mentioned how about I come out and meet the boys... I said i can take off a week and during the week u don't have the boys so we can have our time but the 2 days you will have them I want to stay in the guest room.

Our talk on the phone was going great up until this point tonight. Then he got quiet and told me I am asking him to lie in front of his kids . I said I don't think of it like that.. I said I am very nervous meeting the boys to begin with. Here you guys just got divorced.. granted you been separated for a year but they don't know about me and here they are going to just magically find out about me and see me in bed with you - the bed their mother just was in. I said I am nervous how it may go down emotionally. It may go fine, but inside I struggle with it and i personally am so nervous and would just feel more comfortable this way.

He said I am reading into this and I should just let things happen. I just don't feel its right and then I asked.. when are u even going to tell the kids about me and how are you going to tell them? He had no answer. I said I am not asking you to pretend I am not your girlfriend but I am saying out of respect lets take it slower and not put so much out there..He said they are not stupid they know what goes on. I said.. well lets teach them that it doesn't have to happen so early. he said no you are asking me to lie and that doesn't set well with me.

Then it got all quiet on the phone and I asked him why he is not talking and he said hes processing this he said he had to go and that was that.

Maybe I am reading into it, but yes I do worry coming out of the bedroom in the morning to these 14 year old boys. I want to feel inside that I am being respectful of their feelings. Will it confuse them more if eventually as time goes on I go into the bedroom vs right off the start? I dont know.. I doubt it.. I guess u tell the kids its getting more serious at that point.

Oh I also said to him that out of respect for your ex too I would think this whole transition would go better too if she new i was in the other room vs with you while her boys were home.. not that it matters what she thinks but still the div was just final a month ago.

but yes its a big flag .. ugh