I can understand wanting to relate. I feel the same way. For me it mostly happens out of the blue without any warning. I'll be sitting at my computer feeling alright and then out of no where I just want to kill myself and there's no telling on how long it lasts... On the night that lead to me being diagnosed I was biking back from class feeling pretty happy and as soon as I got home all of a sudden I jumped to a 10 on the depression scale and I tried to kill myself. Ended up in the ICU for a day. So you're not alone. It's normal to have zero thoughts of suicide and then all of a sudden for that to change