Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I should clarify a few things:

- The hard drive contained information from the past 15-6 years. It was letters he had written. It had pictures of other things. Basically it was a library of various (important to him) things and I didn't like a few of the books. I burned his Library of Alexandria. That makes me feel like a total fool. I am hoping with every fiber of my being that it can be repaired. Perhaps I should have posted this in a techie forum as well.

- He deleted the porn from his hard drive a long time ago. He was only watching it on the internet periodically. I don't think it was a masturbation thing either.

- He wasn't reminiscing on the pictures. In fact, I probably looked at them more than him. Just because I knew they were there, and I apparently like to punish myself. Of course, I don't know what he does when I'm not around (which isn't often lately), but I don't think he was pulling those up to reminisce.

- He has not filmed us ever. Trust me, I've even suggested it. I trust him on that. I trust him on a lot of things. It's just when it comes to sex or infidelity I create this fear monster in my head. Honestly the worst of our problems have probably been from my fear and nothing of substance.

We actually had/have a pretty great relationship despite this struggle. I honestly think most of the problems I created in my head. I would imagine something and then play it out with little to no credible "evidence".

Honestly, he's a great man who is centered and kind. He makes mistakes, and in return I made one that hurt him terribly. It was childish and petty, and hurtful. The guilt I am feeling now is excruciating. I don't know how to pick up from this.

Perhaps I did jump into this relationship too soon. But can't we find ourselves while we are with someone too? Maybe not. I don't know. I feel utterly lost.