I think it is time to force myself to attend NA meetings...or at least one meeting to give it a try. There are many to choose from that are not too far away, but I'm afraid to go. Most of the people already know each other and I'll just be the outsider.

I should have started going a long time ago but I don't think I was ever really ready to get help. I liked the feeling of being numb and happy, like nothing really mattered. I still like the feeling but I know this isn't healthy and I am so serious about snapping out of my depression and improving my well-being the right way.

I'm just so scared and nervous. And I guess part of me knows once I start going- that's it. The addiction really does have to end.

Why is this so hard? I've already relapsed 4 times within 2 years. I feel like this will never end.