Over the past couple of months, I've been experiencing more suicidal thoughts with this nearly-8-month depressive episode. It usually happens to me at night, when I'm lying in bed for hours waiting to take my nighttime medication. Rarely does it happen during the day. I think it's because when I'm lying in bed at night, I feel like I've given up on trying to beat this episode. In the morning when I lie in bed for hours before finally getting up, for some reason I don't feel that way. I guess it's because I know lots of people aren't out of bed at 4 in the morning (when I usually wake up), but the majority of people don't go to bed at night and just lie there for hours. I just have to realize that it's not catastrophic for me to be in bed at night and to not beat myself up so much for it, or feel like life is not worth living.