I've been at a low like you. I didn't get to the suicidal point but I did get to the point where I said to myself, if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, I'm not going to make it. Nothing was making me better. I had tried a million meds and combos and nothing was helping. I couldn't see anything positive even though I knew I had a life most people would dream off. I was really low. I told my doctor (well, my psychiatric nurse practitioner) and she immediately changed my meds to get me out of that.

We still had to hunt for the perfect combo, and we're still adjusting the dose 4 months later, but I'm in a much better place. For me, at least, the meds was the big thing. I'm apparently hard to figure out when it comes to them, but it's worth the time and effort to find them. I seriously almost quit them completely I was so hopeless and looking back, I think that could have led to something majorly severe (like suicide).

You aren't alone, know that. I know that doesn't really help, but you aren't. There is also a light at that tunnel - it's just that all of our tunnels are different lengths and it's hard to know how far away from that light you are, but keep pursuing and you'll get closer.

I also had to change counselors. Mine just wasn't doing it for me, but the one I see now is way better. It was hard to change because I liked my first counselor like a friend, but that was the problem.

Hang in there!