Hello all -

This is a long saga and all of my making. I have been in therapy for about a year now but I really need some advice today. Please try not to think of me as a bad person because I am generally not that at all.

I became involved with a married friend of mine over four years ago. We had a child almost two years into the affair and kept it secret for another year and a half. I became less and less satisfied and wanted more and more, which left be bitter and combative. I eventually placed him in the position of telling even though he didn't want to. I was very pushy and mean and that I also regret.

After the revelation he ceased communication with me and went around telling my parents I raped him. Thankfully I had saved all the communication we had via text (hundreds of thousands) and could back up the fact a relationship existed. Everyone already knew anyway. Still, I was very angered and hurt and after he came to my house on my birthday berating me and demanding a non-court related DNA test I filed for full custody and child support.

He then came back around to me after his wife's divorce filing and he was living with his father. He claimed he wanted to renew our friendship because his marriage wasn't going to be saved. Slowly we started up again and got to the point where I was staying with him at his father's on weekends and later at his apartment (when his father tragically passed). Every once and awhile we would have a flare up and fight but I just chalked it up to the situation and stress. (BTW he was a stay at home dad and is now still jobless).

This week he informed me he would probably be "weird" because he figured they would finalize their divorce this week or early next. He then told me I was probably not going to like it but he didn't want any money from her and wasn't going to ask for it. This comes three weeks after my withdrawal of child support. I had told him I knew he would do it and I wasn't going to let him and he needed to ask for money because he had kids and a future to think about regardless of guild. He agreed.

The next day at pick up of my son he and I got into an epic battle he said was proceeded by him telling her (he said they had gotten to a point where the should be... he claims negotiation-wise) he needed to have a monetary settlement and she went angry again. He said I should have just left because it ended up with us fighting and had I just left he would have been fine. I said I was going to start dating to which he relied "That's GREAT. No, actually it is good."

I'm just really afraid that they are going to divorce because it makes sense financially and then just get back together and screw me over. I really love him even after all of it and even after I know I shouldn't. I feel like I am being paranoid. What should I do?

Really could use some good advice.