Thank you for sharing all of this. I'm struggling with how to respond because there seems to be so much going on, however, you're here now, and I can sympathize that this is an awful time and I appreciate that you are reaching out.

Considering your history with this man, it seems you already believe that your relationship with him is unhealthy, and yet you feel it is what you want. I know that you have a child with him and there are probably other reasons for why you'd like him to be a part of your life. But I'd like to ask anyway - why do you still want to maintain a relationship with him?