My depression is so severe that I spend a lot of time in bed when I'm not actually sleeping. Just being out of bed and participating in life is painful to me, yet I know I don't have the guts to commit suicide.

I end up waking up at about 4 in the morning but don't actually get out of bed for good to start my day until about 8:00. Between those hours, I'll get up periodically -- to make coffee, let the dogs out but I always retreat back to bed to just lie there and do nothing until about 8. At that time I get up "for good" and go about my day - - just passing time on the internet and watching t.v., usually get out of the house to go to an AA meeting at noon. But, then it gets to the point in the day where I just can't stand participating in life anymore. I force myself to stay out of bed until 5 p.m., but then it's at that time that I go back in bed and just lie there, even though I don't take my sleep meds until 9 p.m. (and fall asleep shortly thereafter for what turns out to be a decent night's sleep).

I'm very ashamed of and embarrassed about this behavior, but at least I'm keeping myself alive. I just have no interest in doing anything/being out of bed past 5 p.m. or before 8 a.m. I minimize the time I force myself to halfway participate in life by staying in bed. This whole routine has been going on for the past several months. When my depression first started in early August, I know I wasn't limiting my hours out of bed. It has just progressed to that point.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else spends time in bed just lying there doing nothing (waking up in the middle of the night with insomnia doesn't count). I feel like such a loser for even posting this. The answer is probably no.