You are learning quite a lot. Your mom has got some other serious issues, besides being over-controlling of you. She probably will eventually accept things that she can not change, but only when it gets to the point that she loses her power. So don't bother looking for acceptance ahead of time. Don't fight tomorrow's battles today. How mothers are supposed to be and how they are can be very different. We have to live in the reality that life presents us with.

It sounds like you already have evolved some sensible strategies for coping with your mom. To some extent, your mom is using this mantra of "family, family" as a smokescreen. She is the one who may be undermining the family with her spending habits. That's not something you can address at this stage of your life. It's between her and your father. But if sure helps take the heat off her to be complaining to your dad about you. She's creating drama where there doesn't need to be any . . . and I do think it's, in part, to put up that smokescreen. I'll bet your dad bends over backwards to avoid conflict with her. He probably gives in a lot on things, which is him enabling her "sickness." So, if she's got him beat down and cowed (I may be wrong.), then she turns to her next victim, you. She uses a good offence as the best defense. Make a commotion over what others in the family are doing, so what she does slides by.

All of this is not to say that she doesn't love you. Just because someone loves us doesn't guarantee that they will treat us right. So that's what you are dealing with. You just have to out-maneuver her. That will be a constant challenge for you, but you'll come out of all this a wiser person. All through life there will be people who challenge you, and you will be that much better at dealing with it because you got such an early start. Trust me, every adversity you are experiencing can make you a more capable person down the line.

Some day you will be out of there and on your own. It will taste so sweet to finally be able to breath free. She will have less leverage, and she won't like it. She'll find something else to use . . . like how her health problems arise, as she gets older . . . and how you owe her so much . . . yada, yada. She ain't gunna stop. That doesn't mean you shouldn't, or can't, love her. But you are going to have to out-fox her.

So don't fight now over what you may do in 2 or 3 years time. None of us knows if we will be alive then. Focus on now. How great that you are getting those classes in during the summer and getting closer to that degree. Work, if you can, but I can see where that gets demoralizing with a mother who will begrudge you keeping any of it. Is she paying your college fees? Maybe it's appropriate for you to give her part of your income. (Or start paying more of your own bills.) Working would be good because it would get you out of that house more and around other people more.

Keep up the strategies you've found helpful. More will occur to you. (You're a bright young woman.) Look forward to the day when you are out of there, and make the best of it, while you are there. Most of all: don't get into debates with her. It's a complete waste of your time and breath. Also, it's a way of her feeling empowered over you. Lastly, you might consider sneaking out the back door, once in a while, and staying gone for a few hours. I know that's outright rebellion, but, in your case, it's not morally wrong. You will catch he!! for it, but that's okay. She will see that you defying her doesn't kill her. And you will see that it doesn't kill you. That suggestion of mine is controversial. Many would not agree with it. But age 18 is way to old to be under house arrest. Good luck.