Wanted to thank everyone who responded and for their understanding. Things seem a bit better today. The fire is not raging so today and the smoke is a bit thiner so I can see a bit better. I know these mood are not forever. It's the illness that makes everything seem insurmountable and impossible. No matter how impossible it seems to me right now I know I'll emerge from this darkness sooner or later. Oh let it be sooner, but what shall be, will be.