I agree with Ginaaa222 110%

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz

I agree with what HD7970ghz said.

When I was 17 I found someone who I fell in love with from the begining. I felt like I needed him. I ignored all the warning signs. He was a drug user, didnt have any goals in life, wasnt going anywhere and furthermore couldnt keep a job. BUT I thought my love for him would change him and make him want to do better for his life...I was soooo wrong. That is a hard lesson I have learned- asking someone to change for you isnt healthy- they should want to change for themselves and that is when it will actually become a habit and have a good chance of sticking to it. We got married a year after being together...We were together for 5 years. Things started to get really hard because I was working, going to college and taking care of the house. He was using drugs, "hanging out", and being lazy. It really started to bother me. A relationship is a partnership and when one is weak the other should be strong. This is why two borderlines being together is a recipe for disaster. Just think if you are splitting (as in you love them SOO much and then you hate them) and you tell her that you hate her and you say all these hurtful things. We all do it. She, being a borderline, will get insecure and this will play on her emotions and she will think you are going to abdandon her. As this happens more and more times she will become more and more emotionally unstable until you or her end up in the psych ward because you cant deal with it.

I'm currently in another relationship with someone who isnt a borderline. He knows about my issues and he knows how to respond to me when I'm in emotional distress. I'm not saying that you two couldnt learn how to do this but it is very hard. Its hard for all us borderlines. Some people think that borderline can be "cured" but I don't believe that. Borderline traits will always be with you it just depends on the degree of how severe it is.

Take it from me who got into a very serious, codependant, and unhealthy relationship at a young age. It was really hard to get over even though I knew I didnt want to be with him. The only way I got through it was having a good support network. I hung out with my friends almost every day.

You have to find other ways to make yourself happy. You cant expect someone else to give you happiness.

I know this is hard to hear and your emotions are so strong for this girl that your willing to take the risk of being with a serious drug user and a borderline. You have to fight it. It is good that you have such a great friend but it is a horrible idea to start a relationship.

This isnt to say that in a few years- when both of you have things going for you- ALONE that things might not work out for you two. You need to have security for yourself. Never rely on someone else for money or anything. You need to be strong for yourself.

On another note, and HD7970ghz didnt touch upon this...I don't know how much you know about addiction but heroin addiction is very hard to overcome. She needs to go to inpatient rehab. She will not be successful in quitting alone. It is dangerous. She needs to be monitored by a dr. Lots of people in my family are addicts and I truely believe that once you have a serious problem with drugs it is likely they will relapse. It takes a very strong person to be able to overcome addiction. Not to say that it cant be done. But given that she is a borderline and she is impulsive and relies on her emotions this is a recipe for relapse. It is completely and 100% not healthy to be with a drug user. This doesnt mean she is a bad person at all. She needs help. The first step in trying to get help is realizing you have a problem. If she doesnt realize this then she will never get better. This is taught in the 12 step program and in alanon. I attended alanon for years and learned alot about addiction. Her addiction problem is going to be an uphill battle. If she starts to think that you arent ok with her using she will start to hide it from you. Addicts will do anything to get high no matter what the costs.

My mom is an addict and has used drugs for a better part of 20 years. It got so bad that I disowned her. She is the reason I am a borderline. She was emotionally neglectful, abusive and absent alot of the time. I sent her a letter in the mail saying how could a mother do this and if you really loved me you would stop using and get help. I told her it was all her fault I was so messed up and she should feel like crap because of what she had done to me. She ignored my letter and kept using. She only went to rehab when she hit rock bottom- no money, no place to live, no food..nothing. She has relapsed since then. She used narcotics mostly and a heroin addiction is alot stronger than that. Its going to be a long hard road for her to recover from her addiction and I think its beneficial to her for you to be her friend and be there for her instead of being romantically involved.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do...it is your decision. But I can say that it will likely end up bad and when it does how are you going to be able to cope with it? You can barely function now without her.