jlove, hoping things get better for you. This is the most difficult thing! More people are overweight in the US than smoke, and while one can stop smoking and never smoke again, we don't have the option of never eating again!
I've been bulemic from 1978 through 1985 or so, then it's been on-and-off over the decades...
A few years ago I weighed 322 and had a Rue-N-Y gastric bypass and I'm doing ok. I can eat things now that I couldn't for the first year, because the body gets used to the shortened gastric system. I wish I still couldn't eat things that I shouldn't, like candy...
The thing is, is that after I'd gotten down to a weight (160) I'd not been at since I was - what - 13 or so, I went anorexic, and almost lost my job because I couldn't think, because I wasn't eating. After a hospitalization I started eating again. Then, I gained a little back, but I'm ok, because 195# is ok since I get a lot of exercise. I was really arrogant, after I'd lost all that weight, so I'm a little embarassed about that time. I thought I wouldn't gain weight again. I was so arrogant, and proud of myself, so I've been humbled. It's still hard.