Alisha, I don't know why I am dumping in "your" thread. I think it is because you have asked me questions, and the topic was "therapy help". So many times I have wanted to start a thread but as you can see, there is just so much that I just didn't know where to even start. For quite some time I have gone to the special member forum to try to vent, only to sit there not even knowing where to begin or even if I could find the energy to put anything down.

I rarely post "my" problems in this forum but instead try to help others. That is my typical MO. It has been trained into me over many years. For example, if I talk to my sister, she can talk for a long time as long as I am comforting and complimenting and listening to "her", if I want to end the conversation, all I have to do is begin to talk about "my challenges", then she needs to go and do something or pretend she has a call coming in or find some excuse to just have to go. I decided to do an experiment one day to prove it to myself, she talked for about two hours as long as I comforted and complemented "her" and made sure I bought up every "positive" I could think of about her. Oh, she really enjoyed the conversation, and then because it was going so well, I decided to talk about me, sure enough, I was right, she was so sorry but she had to go.

It is strange how someone can have "family" all around them yet when they really need to talk, when they are overflowing from holding so very much in, they have to pay for someone to finally listen, we call these people "therapists". I know I am not the only one challenged this way, the Psychotherapy forum is full of people who want to tell, but hold back fearing a therapist will judge them poorly or somehow think they are bad or selfish, or maybe somehow desert them.

I have been told many times that I should have been a therapist, by therapists. I find it so sad, because of how truly valuable "knowing how to actually listen" seems to be. One day I had a child psychologist, who was also a prestigious college professor come out to my farm with her granddaughter. I didn't realize what she was, but I knew she was some kind of doctor. I had her grandchild on one of my ponies and we walked around my riding ring and I watched this woman interact with her grand child. I knew by her demeanor that she was the kind of person who needed to have control. I watched her constantly telling this child to sit up, over and over again. Finally, she asked me to take over because the child was not listening to her and I stopped the pony and talked to the child and asked her if she liked princesses and if she would like to be one. So basically I gave the "control" to the child and we talked all about princesses and how they sit up and how they ride ponies because after all, she wants to be a princess right? Well, I never told her what to do, I only reminded her of what "she" wanted. That is basic common sense to me, but apparently it was ground breaking and I am very gifted and should be a child psychologist.

It just surprises me how someone can spend so much time studying and teaching psychology and not really know what I consider the basics. I don't know how someone can even think of becoming a parent without
understanding that basic either. A child does so many different things, even bad things, loud things, annoying things, whiny things, might even hit a parent, why? Because, they just want someone to "listen".

Well, I understand you are trying online therapy right? You are trying to heal it is what "you" want right? Well I think it is "good to learn" but it is also good to be "heard" too. We live in a world where too many people do not know how to "listen". So, it is "ok" if you need to at least come to PC and vent because while PTSD is genuinely a challenge, it is also very important the person struggling is "heard" too.

Someone once asked me why my posts are long. I wasn't really sure "why", did not have an answer until just recently. I know another member that writes long posts too and she is really nice, and even caring.
But as I was reading her posts and her challenges I noticed the constant theme in her life, similar to mine in some ways, she was a person who had
a very hard time being heard. Especially in some significant situations where it was very important she be heard.

There are many times when I see someone post and they are really struggling. At the end of their post they tend to either apologize or
say they appreciate anyone who takes the time to read through their post.

As you can see, I have done that too.

OE