r010159,

Im sorry to hear of what you and your mother are having to go through. I spent a number of years as a Hospice nurse. I dealt with patients and families dealing with loved ones that were end stage dementia and have been involved in similar circumstances as to what you have described. Much of what others have posted I feel are very good recommendations. I would urge you to work closely with a doctor very familiar with geriatric care and that has experience working with patients with different form of dementia.

Much of what will make a big difference has been mentioned; making sure that you don't contradict what your mothers reality is at any given time is very important as it will undoubtedly frustrate and confuse her. Finding a positive way to redirect can be very successful. Also finding comforting distractions that are familiar to your mother, such as having music playing like you mentioned trying, although there should be many other things that she once did for enjoyment that could incorporate into her day such as participation in preparing meals if she liked cooking (carefully of course). Keeping a tight schedule from day to day also helps a lot.

Also the previous mention of medications. This can be touchy for smily members and their providers. The idea is to provide palliative care, to alleviate negative symptoms without overmedicating. I have seen and participated in the prescribing of many therapeutic medications such as seroquel, PRN or scheduled as much as TID, Lorazepam PRN or scheduled, Haldol PRN (this one is really touchy with many providers), as well many other medications.

I would also look into the possibility that medicaid/medicare may cover partially or completely home health and or hospice when the time comes that your mother is appropriate which would provide you with in home help. As was previously mentioned it is very important that the caregivers take care of themselves as well. You and others are no good to your mother if you burn out, hurt yourself providing care, etc., etc.

I wish the best for you and your mother as well as any other family members that are touched by this. Dementia and the slow progression of it are very difficult. Keep your head up. There are always those special moments that will be remembered positively during these times.

Yours truly,
Supersonic