That explains a lot.

Four years ago, you were getting scared of being alone, since you were pushing 30, which at the time seemed real old to you. Meanwhile, he was age 48, which made him seem extra-attractive. (When I was in my late 20's, I kept falling for guys in their late 40's, so I kind of know how that can happen.)

An older guy can sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet . . . especially a girl who hasn't had great luck in the dating game.

You know, yourself, that, as you say, he doesn't really care for you. Yet, you are kind of addicted to him. Living with him would probably go a long way toward helping you to see him as he is, which is not all that attractive. It might start off seeming like a dream come true, if you could be with him. That would wear off. Maybe he has some wealth. Maybe you could be the recipient of some of that. That may be a part of the draw you feel toward him.

You'ld be far better off to find a decent guy your own age . . . or nearer to it. Like I said, that won't get easier, as you get older. For now, maybe it's best to just bide your time and see what happens. Press your claim to get what support he can contribute to the welfare of the child. (Even if he has no job and no income, he probably has some assets.) The past four years must have been lonely for you. Do what you can to get out with single people your age, or married people your age. You might find there is a better solution to your loneliness.