Everything is going down the tube...I have been flipping out due to all this crap going on in last few days...it will happen...like one day i feel like there are people inside me...and even react in that way...and then the last few months i guess you could call it memories are coming back up...i flipped out on my boyfriend and had to ask him to keep his distance..i felt so dirty and disgusted at myself...i felt so vunerable...ok i need to stop talking about that..anyway..then it will go away for a day or two..am i feeling these things because i want attention...maybe i really am ok and its nothing...but why would have these feelings and thoughts and actions...in fact there are times where i suck my thumb and i start bawling and i cant sleep without sleep aides...im so lost..i dont know if im faking it...if i am i guess i do need mental attention cuz why would i fake this i must be pretty messed up...or im not faking this...omg i cant believe myself anymore..and i found a lump on chest and i might be kicked out and i might have to go live with my dad...the one who is in all the memories and bad stuff anyway. this is bad..why am i like this...why is my body faking this bad stuff if its not true...why i dont want attention...i dont know what i want anymore....i do want this to go away...meh