Hi bronzeowl, I've got to really admire your strength in trying to reach out despite the way you're feeling. And however far you feel that you've been dragged down, know that that is massive!! I do hope that some/any of the resources you've found out about can help, but you know there are others as well if.........e.g. crisislines online, so just keep up that drive to want/reach for help. You deserve it!!
And certainly even on here, you are not alone, there are people going through/been through what you're going through and there are people who will understand. If you can just keep telling them as clearly how you're feeling as you have here. And then let them take some of the lead in helping you, let them reach out to you just as much as you've reached out.
Alison