i have to talk. sorry. i just had a call from my so called father.

he knows i have been depressed since october.

not one call until today, just now. and only because it is my daughters 18th tomorrow.

asked me what's wrong, told him i'm not prepared to talk about it. he couldn't give a %#@&#! anyway.

always with my step sister and her kids. never gets in touch with us unless it's a birthday. spose that's something i should be grateful for.

he now put me in anxiety. hands are shaking, head going, i have to go out for a big 'do' tonight for my daughter, chinese with friends, lots of us. i dont feel sociable. i have to be happy for her sake. i just want to go to bed and sleep and sleep.

my husband told me to get a grip it's danis 18th birthday. i wish i could just be happy just for this weekend. i cant take anxiety pill as they male me zombified. cant bear thought of eating in this place - so big and open and busy.

i wish my dad would just get out of my life and stay out
my kids feel abandoned by him and that makes me so sad because i have those feelings and i wanted to protect my kids from that.

i feel so bad. not sure how to get myself in mood

jinny