Okay. I'm not entirely sure how to approach what I want to say because the words are jumping around in my head and therefore I find it difficult to string a sentence together, let alone a paragraph. I'll give it a try.

The thing with infidelity is that it is a very psychologically damaging human behaviour. I know from experience that the issues arising from it are long-lasting and often quite severe. It's easy to pinpoint the action of being unfaithful on a manic episode and it can often be linked to mania but that doesn't make it any easier for your spouse.

It's not just the issue of feeling betrayed but also the lack of honesty and the reasoning behind it. Since it happened to me, I've felt a lot more self-conscious about my appearance, my "performance", my ability to be in a relationship etc. On top of that, I'm constantly worried about people being dishonest to be and I'm in an almost constant state of paranoia. It is with utmost difficulty for me to trust anyone, let alone him. But love keeps it together.

Anyway. The point I'm slowly making is that it's completely possible to forgive but it's not entirely easy to forget. In fact, I'll never forget. Sometimes it'll all come flooding back and I literally become tachycardic (with a pulse over 120BPM - high for me) and I'll be filled with despair or sometimes anger. I forgive him, completely. But do I fully trust him over two years later? No. Has it become any less painful? Yes. But not when it comes back to the front of my mind.

Your wife most likely does want to forgive you and move on. Love is, without sounding corny, priceless. However for the sake of the analogy please ignore that. Think of the most expensive item you own. If it broke, wouldn't you prefer to fix it instead of just throwing something worth so much away? The same applies to a marriage or a relationship. I always think it's best to work things through and fix a marriage whenever possible instead of ending it and walking away.

Now. I also did cheat on my partner during a manic episode. Personally, I don't think it was down to the mania. I think it was down to paranoia and my own selfishness. I hate myself for it, one year on. It was the most horrible thing I've ever done and I still cry about it, multiple times a week. The strange thing is our relationship is stronger than ever. We moved in together shortly afterwards and we never argue, at all. We used to argue every single day. Now we never do. I told my partner the very next day and for a month or two i had to do everything in my power to make things right. We went on endless date nights, sent letters to each other and made every effort possible to fix things.

Your wife, it seems, wants to move on. Why? Because she loves you. However, I do have a belief that there's a time when enough is enough. I wouldn't blame anyone for ending a marriage or relationship due to a single occurrence of infidelity. When it happens multiple times, it's time to make a judgement that will protect both from further upset.

Fully cooperate with your treatment. There has already been two occurrences of infidelity. Eventually, you'll step over the line and the marriage will be destroyed. Not only that, but you'll causes psychological damage to your wife that she may never fully be able to overcome.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck.
RB