MDD is the most brutal disease their is. You are not a coward, that is for sure. I also have MDD, along with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it took a lot of medication and self help over time to get me functioning again. It's truly horrible and isn't your fault. I also wonder what medications you are taking and if they are working properly. A medication that is working well should provide significant relief to your symptoms. Trycyclics or MAOI's are sometimes better for severe depression. Talking with the Psychiatrist is definitely recommended, and if you don't like him/her ask for another one. They really are all different.

Take care

D