It wasn't your first thought. This thread started with looking at the meds. I would ask myself if I remembered to take them. Check. Then what has been going on in my life. You went straight to asking what's wrong with them.

I think I realized why I critical think my treatment and the industry today. Years ago I had lower back problems. Sometimes I literally could not walk. Other times I'd being walking sideways for weeks at a time. It would go out every couple months and went on for several years. I would end up in the dr or the ER and they would give me Tylenol with codeine. It would relax my muscles and I'd be ok for a few weeks. I tried swimming, stretching, yoga, Pilates, cycling. Pilates came the closest but none were a fix. The last doctor told me one leg was about 2 inches shorter and that is why. He said I was born that way which sounded weird to me. You'd think I would have noticed.

Luckily he sent me to a physical therapist at the broncos clinic (or whatever it's called). First day she could see my leg was pushed up into my thigh and pulled it out. 2 inches fixed. A few months later... It really looked like I was going to regularly have somebody pull that leg. But she saw me walking, asked me some questions and it was ding, ding, ding! I had been taught to walk by my mother who is disfigured and walks prone. I have been walking incorrectly my entire life. Your skeleton can compensate for only so long and then it gets tired. So I started walking the way she showed me. I have to do it mindfully because I am correcting something I have been doing for most of my life. I still walk with purpose. I have not thrown my back in years.

Not to go off topic but I think that is why I approach the meds and drs with a highly critical eye. I've seen it work. I approach all treatments with a critical eye, btw. Not just the western ones. I want something common sensical to back it up.

Studies and doctors all told me I would always have issues with my back. And I probably will eventually unless I keep going with Pilates and other core strengthening exercises. But the gap is much longer than anticipated. I'm sure it would not have been too long before I had some med. But I got lucky with that therapist who used a little observation and common sense. There's a guy at work who walks just like I did. He is athletic but he totally believes this is his life now. His therapist told him to think of a string out the top of his head but he can't remember. It drives me nuts that I know that walking heel to toe mindfully is so much easier to remember and he'll have a string growing out of his head in no time. Alas, I mentioned it and I can do no more. Who am I to know? I'm about 15 years younger after all.

Here's my point... The reason my back would get tight was because it was protecting my side. If I do an exercise that requires major balance like ball work or ballet tone I get these little messages of pain and I know my core is not strong enough. That's how the body works. The mind and body work together. I think that depression like what you experienced is a message. When we get depressed what do we do? We retreat in one way or another. We leave whatever is bothering us whether it is conscious or not. That is a chance to reflect on what is going on before you go back into life. A chance to figure out how to react. Unfortunately our culture isn't always accommodating but that is another thing.

The MDD is way more intense and debilitating. I'm referring more to this week. The next time this happens, instead of reacting with "slammed" right off the bat why not ask what it is that your mind wants to retreat from? You might not know the answer and yes, it could be that deeper depression but would it hurt to ask?

Friday! Not proofreading as much as I should because I road my bike to work twice this week and did Pilates once. I am wiped! And I want some of my homemade avocado ice cream

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