(((dblh))),

There are "religious' people that are actually not "practicing" Christians. There can be some very twisted ideas about God out there period. My therapist is agnostic, and he has more Christian qualities then other people I have met that say the believe in God and have faith.

Your question about how she can be so religious and be so abusive? It is also because she is different, she was disordered somehow, maybe very narcissistic and it was all about proper presentation to her. Some people are "dutiful", they clean the house, have the children go to church and keep some kind of structure, but that doesn't mean they know how be actually "love" their children and be caring and kind. Some mothers who are narcissistic, god forbid the child doesn't cater to them and adore them the way they want, oh these women will definitely leave that child out of the will and will take pleasure reading it to the child for spite. Have you ever read Mommy Dearest?

You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out, because you are simply not cut from the same cloth, that can and often does happen you know. You can't see her thinking and reasoning because you don't think and reason like that.

I can have that problem too, my husband often says to me that I don't come back quick enough when people are manipulative or mean spirited somehow, well, I just do not think like that, so it takes me time to figure out how twisted someone can think.

When you talk about the kind of people you want to be around, you are really saying you want to find others like yourself. That is what you are supposed to do in life, you are not supposed to hang in with toxic people who have nothing in common with you and don't appreciate you. Your brother is a grownup now, you can't raise him, that will not work. I understand that you feel it's not right to be estranged from your own blood relative, but you are like that because you are kind hearted, your brother isn't like that, your mother wasn't like that, you can't change that either. You will have to grieve that and give yourself permission to be ok with walking away, in a knowing that is the healthy thing for you to do.

I am so glad you are not a guy and end up with a woman like your mother. Some guys do that you know. Your father did, some of the nicest men end up with narcissistic women you know. Some really nice women end up with narcissistic husbands too. God is just a must have designer label to these people you know. Some of these people think that if they get dressed up and go to church, put money in the basket and occasionally even donate a little, they are good with God. They do it but they really don't "feel it". The devil has no problem getting dressed up and going to church on Sunday, I have met a few of those in my life too.

Don't let that interfere with any relationship or faith you have with God, because you can "feel it", big difference. Some people get all confused about faith because of the challenge you have. Your faith is not going to be the same as other's faith, it doesn't mean having faith is wrong either.

((((Hugs))))
OE