That one minute where the behavior makes you think is a very important milestone in the journey to recovery. It's just a baby step right now, but trust me, one day you'll look back and realize just how important it was.

There usually are resources out there. I found a pamphlet at my local library with numbers one can call if finances are an issue. I wish you all the best. There is a point in trying to recover. It can be hard to see sometimes, but it's there.