Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonSays1
My most recent incident was my friend's wife tried to talk me into reconciliation. Out of respect for my friend, I was civil and understood she ment well. However as a survivor of systematic child abuse, it is insulting. It is insulting for any victim of abuse to be told they should reconcile with their abuser, especially if that abuser is toxic.
It really is annoying when I get told "but she's your mother", "I feel bad for her'. Especially when my "mother" was my long time abuser who caused a lifetime of damage into adulthood. Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD, inability to trust, inability to show affection, inability to bond with others, guilt, shame, shreded self worth, second guessing myself. Thanks mom!
When is comes down to it. This isn't about me punishing anyone. This isn't about me trying to change anyone (other than myself). This is about me staying away from my abusers, staying away from negativity so I can finally rebuild myself and peice myself back together like a puzzle. It is just unfortunate that it is seen as "taboo" in our society.
"But it's your mom", "but it's your dad"....
|
I agree all of that **** is just that ****! it is insulting to tell a victim to "reconcile" or "try to understand the abuser" as I get that a lot. I told my ex therapist stop feeling sorry for them, why do you feel sorry for people who keep on abusing? Yes, it is a disgrace, but nobody should be opening their mouths to something they have never endured - being sympathetic with a great ear to listen is one thing, but being completely stupid and ignorant is a whole another dimension!
It's funny and hypocritical of people to say 'they are your family' but when I give an example to them of "what if that was your friend who is toxic?" They say that's different, I would drop them and not bother. How is that different? Oh wait! You'd drop that friend because he/she is toxic and terrible yet not a family member? They said no, that's my family I am obligated to stick with them because of blood is thicker than water. Classic ignorant societal answer!!
Told people wow, can't get any more dumb and ignorant than that! lol
When it comes to people who are blood related, oh they are quick to get rid of them and told my ex therapist that thinking is very hypocritical. All abusers think/act/feel the same way does it make a difference if it is your family or friend? Toxic is toxic since when does that mean there are "different variations of it?" No such thing as someone is more toxic than the other. It makes the victim selfish for wanting to live a better yet people say deal with it and then say it's sad you live in a situation like that and then people say then leave which is it!?? Too many mixed messages!