Thanks ((OE)) for all of that, wow you really took a lot of time over that response, it is very kind! I am also sorry to hear that you have been struggling so of late. I hope that you have been able to work through it.

I can completely understand how awful you must have felt when people treated you so poorly when you were reaching out or needed support, especially when you were so ill, that is so dreadful! OE I really do understand this, after I almost died one time at my own hands, my sister picked me up from the hospital(begrudgingly, and would not come and see me, just pick me up) and proceeded to berate me all the way home and yell at me for not knowing how bad it had made her feel. Similar to you.......this sort of treatment at the hands of someone who ought to care is almost unforgiveable, and does make things far worse for us.

I am working on trying to find forgiveness for many things that happened to me in my life in therapy. I told my T that I want to forgive my Ex for the treatment I received from him, and my T asked why I want to forgive him? Was it for my ex so it would be easier? NO. I want to find forgiveness so that I can let it go and be free from that. I hope this happens soon. Forgiveness doesn't mean that I am saying its ok, I just hope that it relieves me from the mental anguish and memories that still affect me today.

This really is a journey isn't it OE, and the longer I am in therapy and the more I allow myself to be vulnerable and actually 'look' at the past, and see how it affects me today the better I understand myself and can begin to make changes. The sooner I will be able to move further forwards towards living the meaningful life I deserve.

And yes, you are right, I do have plans for a better future with new career and hope that I can use my own learning to empower others to improve theirs also. At 43 I am a work in progress and content with that.

Thanks again for your support. I'm sending kind and caring thoughts and a cyber your way. Do take care of yourself OE.