I've been stuck in this viscous cycle for over a year now. I was in a relationship with for about almost 2 years. This was my first ever relationship and it was very far from the average relationship. We were long distance, but I would visit very often and we would talk everyday. I found out however that he would often mess with other girls and he hurt me a lot. He has cheated on me several times and broke up with me for another girl despite telling me it was because he was overstressed with school work. We got back together and things went pretty well until the flirting started all over again and he eventually left me for a girl he just met. Mind you this was around the time that I found out my mom was really sick and would be passing away soon. I should be strongly disliking this person, but instead I let him back in when my mom passed away.

He kept talking to me about getting back together and I believed him. This went on for almost 6 months until I found out he had gotten a girlfriend. I felt hurt and just picked up the phone that day and screamed at him some pretty terrible things. I don't know why...maybe it was because I felt lonely or missed him, but I actually apologized and asked to be friends again. I really did think I could just be his friend, but when he started telling me things like 'what would you do if I asked you to be my girlfriend' or 'if I kissed you' etc I thought that he might still have some feelings for me. I did a stupid thing about two weeks ago and told him I still love him on the phone. I don't know where this came from. He ended up telling me he met a girl recently and was dating her and how he was just joking with me. I felt so hurt, but I wanted to try and maintain some friendship for some reason. He kept brushing me off whenever I would contact him though so I just stopped talking to him for the past week because I just feel like I'm bugging him and it hurts more.

Well recently I met this new guy who lives in my area. He's really kind and we connected right from the start. We have so much in common and we can talk on the phone for hours. I feel like he's the perfect guy for me, but part of me keeps hesitating a lot and it feels like something is missing. I can't tell if this is because I still might have some feelings for my ex. I of course will take things slow with this new guy, but I hate this weird feeling I keep getting about something missing or just randomly missing my ex sometimes. This isn't the first guy this has happened with. I just don't want this to keep repeating.

What's going on with me? It's like a viscous cycle I can't get out of. It's always ex hurts me>do my own thing for awhile>meet a very nice guy>feel like something is wrong and I can't go through with it so I run to my ex. It's always the same story. I feel like I will never move on. I know my ex is not the one for me. I understand he treated me very poorly and I don't deserve that so why do I keep falling into this cycle? I have met some very amazing guys and I feel great in the beginning, but then this weird feeling I can't explain creeps in and I just start missing my ex/getting scared to keep moving forward.