Quote:
Originally Posted by trying2survive
you know i'm glad you asked this question..i often wonder why i continue to go through the trouble,disappointments and heartache. a lot of times i don't think it's worth it. a lot of it is i hate to be alone, i suffer from severe BPD so that doesn't help at all, so i have made a lot of impulsive bad decisions just because i want to be loved, to this day i still make bad decisions, it must be nice not to have to taste the sting of heartache, i keep telling myself i will never do a relationship again yet i always seem to end up in one..i feel like there is something missing in my life if i don't have a gf, so it is very difficult for me to be single.
as far as friendships, again i think it goes back to not wanting to be alone.
i live by myself so that makes it imperative that i have friends and people to be around, my cat is a sweetheart but she's not enough! hee hee, i do like some time alone but not too much, so i tend to do things that aren't in my best interest to be around people, so i guess companionship is one thing i get out of relationships
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Your response is the one that closely mirrors mine....I often wonder what the point of relationships is since I only seem to get hurt at the end of them and they always end too quickly, whether I'm doing the ending or they are. As far as friendships, I'm a terrible friend because I just hate the whole 'bonding' thing...it's like I want a compatriot when I want one and when I'm tired of them, I want them to go away (or I go away) and that's not really condusive to a friendship.
I have enough of people at work...coworkers and donors, and I'm 'on' when I'm there (I often say 'showtime!' just before I open the doors) so by the time I get home I just want the quiet of my dog, and the lull of a vacuous television show. That even goes toward my ex....before I made him an 'ex' for good reasons...our relationship was mostly long distance and that suited me well....when he came to visit for a few weeks, after the first week, I just wanted him to go home. Too much stimulation (not the good kind, either).
So now, I work, I come home, walk my dog and if I need interaction, I go online and talk to my friends there. And when I'm tired, or feeling anxious I can just leave...no long winded explanations...just 'I gotta go'. It's freeing. I do need interaction...I just have to have it on my terms.
Wow....guess finding a love interest is out of the question now, huh?
