I was flip flopping between "to tell or not to tell". I wanted my family to know, but I wasn't sure when that would happen....I always imagined that all hell would break loose when I tell.

Just 2 days back, accidentally my brother discovered my secret blog which I maintain for catharsis.

My heart beat so fast I thought I would suffer a stroke or heart attack. My brother had always been a very "anti-psychology" person. I talked of depression, he tried to convince me it wasn't depression. I talked about emotional abuse, he gave example of friend physically abused saying "your pain can't be worse than his....you are playing victim"

But my brother was amazingly supportive. Told me to go to a therapist. Told me moving on is important and not let my past affect me. Told me he'd be there for me, whenever I needed him. Told me, wish he knew earlier, he would have confronted dad (my abuser). Told me that the only thing that matters is my healing.

And the discussion ended.
Since then....things are like exactly back to normal. I dreaded for almost of year for what talking about my abuse would bring....how it would change things, for better or for worse.

But within 2 days, things are exactly the way they were....it's like nothing happened.

I sure don't expect any extra affection or care or sympathy from my brother. But I sure wish my brother rethinks about life with our father and work towards improving himself, like I have started. We both are like adults stuck in teenage (period when my father's abuse began).

Therapists are the first people we tell, because 1. they are the only people who would understand it. 2. We can trust them that it won't be shared with friends' friends' friends. 3. There is no retaliation. When you tell family, there is no way of knowing how they'd react. Most of them believe abusers to be the awesomest person they've met, since abusers are 2-faced narcissists. Some want to continue living in the delusion and slip into denial, some are supportive, some don't know how to react maturely to it.

Generally families where abusers live are dysfunctional families.

Victims of sexual abuse don't tell family because -
1. They don't want to hurt them with the truth. As twisted as the logic be, most think about others before they think of themselves and telling family would hurt relationships.
2. They are afraid of what family's reaction would be.
3. There is a lot of secrecy associated with any sexual crime. Even today, rape victims feel a little shame and guilt for a crime that was done to them!! When my brother came to know of it.....I felt cheap and dirty , even if it wasn't my fault.

I hope each one of us heals from the pain of sexual abuse.