I can totally relate to your post, fayerody. Before I got agoraphobia, I was very good at facing fears. I started performing on stage (competing in music festivals) at the age of 6. I learned to calm my nerves. Having to deal with some nervousness was well worth the pay off -- getting to do something I loved -- singing or playing piano for an audience.

I was always calm and focused and confident in job interviews and client presentations. I just focused on how much I wanted the job or the account. I refused to let nervousness or fear interfere with my goals. My family was poor when I was growing up. I knew that I was on my own when it came to financial stuff. If I didn't work my butt off to get into the university of my choice, keep my grades up to get scholarships, apply for (and get) good part-time jobs to help pay my school fees and buy some food, no one was going to do it for me. The same determination was with me throughout my career.

I have always had a fear of heights. About 10 years ago, one of my biggest clients was a hockey team. I was working on their promotional materials and wanted some clear shots of the logo at centre ice. They lowered the score clock down to a few feet above the ice and I had to climb in (it was a small-room-sized box with a 2' x 2' square cut out of the floor). They hoisted this thing up on pulleys (swinging one side first, then the other, etc.) all the way up to the top of the arena. I was shaking and scared, but I wanted those photos. I had to lie down on the floor of the score clock, and lean the top of my body out of the hole in the floor to take the shots. Despite my fear, I managed to focus and get some great shots.

So, I always felt like I could face my fears very well. I wasn't fearless, but I didn't let fear stop me from doing anything. That all changed when I got agoraphobia and panic attacks, though. It was like I was blindsided. It happened suddenly. I was 31 years old and had been struggling through a severe case of Benign Paroxysmal Vertigo. It was physically debilitating. Suddenly, all my coping techniques seemed to disappear and even when the BPPV got better, my former self didn't return. I felt like I didn't have my rational side with me anymore. I couldn't talk myself through the fears. That ability was just gone and I was left with overwhelming physical symptoms (nausea, shaking, inability to swallow) and just sheer panic when faced with the simplest of tasks.

So, I don't fully understand WHY it happened. It never occurred to me that I could get agoraphobia. I was a confident, outgoing person before it happened. I'm much better now and have relearned the coping techniques that used to come naturally to me. I'm starting to feel like my former self again.

While I was going through the worst of the agoraphobia and panic attacks, though, rational thinking and all my previous coping techniques just didn't work. There's a lot of interesting information in Dr. Clay's chapter about challenging and facing fears. I'm sure many people would find it helpful. A lot of those techniques were things that I put into practice in my daily life before I got agoraphobia and I use a lot of those techniques now that I have recovered (ALMOST fully recovered). When I was in the throes of agoraphobia, though, I couldn't even force myself to stand on my own back deck for 5 minutes. My rational coping skills were gone. There was so much panic and the physical symptoms were so overwhelming, I couldn't access the rational part of my self. All I could feel was nausea, shaking, the choking feeling of not being able to swallow. Rational thought didn't stand a chance. It couldn't compete with all of that stuff.